searching for inspiration

Quite frankly i have managed to accomplish all my goals for my self by the time i am 25.
If you've ever interviewed me for a job, you'll know that's the truth.
But still, it does not feel right.
I have realized lately after being sucked into the corporate whirlpool and choosing a career to which cost-cutting, savings and efficiency are quintessential, that what i am missing is inspiration.
And despite my more-bitter-than-sweet AIESEC experience, i realized that it gave me what nothing else has been able to provide... Inspiration, Hope.
I also came to the realization just how much impact it has had on my life - i owe it everything.

I remember the chill that went through my body in my first "Power of One" Presentation (at my time, that was part of your standard induction - and we didn't even call it induction). Part of me romanticised this notion and this statement "Power of One". The more pragmatic, realistic and rational side of me concluded that it's necessary to get a number of people believing in the "power of one" in order to make a difference. What exactly that number is, i had no idea.

When you enter the corporate world you understand just how much power that "one" actually has. A visionary leader, a progressive manager, a challenging colleague, an ambitious person striving for excellence, a bright mind and a positive attitude greeting you with a smile every morning.
Living in a developing country such people are anything but abundant. They exist, but their impact is diluted by those who are just plain average.
I, mainly because of AIESEC - be it wrongful or not - like to think that i am one of those not-so-abundant resources.
Emile Durkheim outlined the concept of "Anomie" in the course of his sociology career. He explained it as "the social (and not individual) causes of suicide, characterized by an absence or diminution of standards or values (referred to as normlessness), and an associated feeling of alienation and purposelessness. "
Robert King Merton proceeded to explain "Anomie" as "the discrepancy between common social goals and the legitimate means to attain those goals."

In my study of sociology we were taught that this state happens to the poor, the lower classes of society, those poorly educated with aspirations they know they are better off not even aspire to.

Unfortunate as this may be it's still not the worst thing. The worst thing, in my humble opinion, is when this phenomena affects those who are well-educated and well endowed with brains, money or both, i.e. those who are essential to the advancement of a liberal, democratic, free market, right-winged society.

Say you are living in a society where no common communicated vision exists to drive it forward, no common or communicated guiding principles, norms or standards exist to aid in striving for this vision. And say that on a sub-cultural level the vision and principles exist, but it varies from each sub-culture to the other. To what extent would the degree of alienation and purposelessness exist? And how extensive is the damage resulting from the continuous absence of shared and communicated vision, principles and standards?

Those are questions i cannot answer today... and their answer may not be of much use or may be the key unlocking the door to greener grasses and brighter suns
What i can answer is that more often than not i feel alienated, purposeless and hopeless. Which leads me to believe that i myself might be a person suffering from "Anomie".
This phenomena is commonly used to explain deviant behaviour. To me personally this means a behaviour that deviates from the motivated, inspired and hopeful yuppie (Young Urban Professional) that can make a positive contribution to its community.

It is why i have chosen this time off to find some inspiration, to retrieve that spark that was lost the day i left AIESEC and joined the "real" world.

On a brighter not so related note, i was passing by a book store today and saw this in their display window:


Living in Egypt, this was quite unexpected :) (in case you didn't see the title it's "Sensational Sex in 7 easy steps")
I was compelled to walk into this interesting book store for the first time and i walked out with something i hope would help me in my search for inspiration:



As a big fan of Bill Clinton and his work i am hoping this, coupled with my meeting tomorrow with the most inspiring professor that my studies in both Universities had to offer and along with my impending visit to the women's rights NGO over this holiday will help me find what I've lost....

P.S. If you've made it this far through my mumblings, wow- i am impressed :P

intense...

I have just read this post about an egyptian female blogger who's just relapsed.
It's the most intense thing i have read in a while. When i was reading a million little pieces i felt drained, it took me months to finish it because a few pages of it were emotionally exhausting.
This though, goes on a whole new level. It just hits so close to home, female, Egyptian, and apparently similar socio-economic level.
I know it doesn't make sense, but i just unrealistically thought women are stronger than men, they can stand up to peer pressure better and that protects them. Yes it's stupid..... but after all i am a proud feminist - the kind that often thinks women are superior to men, not even just equal...yes quite frankly i do - women rock!
I don't know this girl, but the sadness that strikes me is over-whelming. I take matters like this personally. It's a matter of potential! She could stand like giants. Why does she choose to stoop so low?
I am not judging her, i am not attaching myself emotionally, not putting myself in her shoes. I am merely looking at opportunity cost here.

As the number one advocate of the "you can do anything you want to" philosophy, a follower of "the future belongs to those who work for it" it just physically hurts to read this post.

I hope the power of my positive thoughts makes a difference... I wish her the best, and i have no idea why i am writing this.

Quote of the day

"Credit cards are an evil evil thing
but like all evil things, they are great!"

--Superluli, on credit cards

well...

at least there's a bright side....

My new Hobby!

So my quest for a better use of my free time has been concluded!
After some extensive research i have found a few organizations that work with Women's Rights and ending violence against women. I called up two of them and was put through to two delightful managers who got me even more excited about this!
The one organization is called "Al-Bareek" (ray of light). Their website is all in Arabic but what they say is just great! It's exactly what i am looking for, and what i am willing to go out of my way to commit to.
I am hoping in the next two weeks i sort out with them what exactly i will do.

My good mood is back again (hanging out with nora and tom helped too)

It's only mid day but it looks like it's going to be a great day :)

The King of Cairo is leaving his Throne

Yes, the day has come when Tom Gara - the King of Cairo - has made it official. He's leaving the Big C!
Much to Kent's dismay, tom is indisputably the King of Cairo. He first moved here in 2004, and got the quintessential Cairo welcome - he got bitch slapped!
Like a true Cairean he rose to the challenge and succeeded in dominating the capital, despite his recent lameness.
He's lived in Maadi, Kobri el Kobba, Downtown and went on to follow the Egyptian Dream: He moved to the poshy Island of Zamalek!
His beard is long enough to attract the suspicious "So you have a beard because..."
He knows the best burger in town
He understands the Egyptian sense of reason
He enjoys the Sights and Sounds of the Middle East
He has the ability to develop a crush on a veiled girl
He uses culinary delectables as insights into the Egyptian Culture
He knows the nerve hitting topics to the average fulan
He makes correct associations with the Cairean Experience
He knows which is the right side to take
He appreciates the man on top like an Egyptian would and calls him by his first name
He appreciates what Cairo has to offer, and more importantly what it doesn't have to offer
He thinks of it when he's not there
He's on the list of EgyBloggers

And the thing that makes him worthy of this grand title is this:
"Nothing like this happens in Cairo, where the rainy season is as fleeting as the three-week period in August when the streets fill with piles of beautiful meshmesh (apricots), only to disappear again just as quickly. It rains maybe six times a year here (I might be horribly wrong on this, but it feels that way) and the reactions to it are priceless."
Only a true Egyptian would understand and make such a statement using this analogy...


In six weeks the Kingdom of Cairo will be left without a King, and any heir to the throne would pale in comparison to my favorite Tommy G :)

Chris, Chris P., Chrispie, Chris the Brit,,,,

He may have many names but there's only one Chris!
My story with Chris began when out of sympathy for his ever shrinking stomach and continuously sinking cheeks we decided it's time to invite him over for scrabble and get some good food into his system...
Little did we know about his intention to dominate our Tuesday evenings for months to come!

He first arrived to the flat looking...well, hungry... and sat quietly watching Oprah intensely.
This is when we thought "oh god! a guy, who sounds British, but calls himself American, quiet, innocent and a male fan of Oprah - it's gona be a looooong night"
Well, that was not the end of it! Chris added a delightful sense of humor and fun as he continued to get schooled in scrabble game after game, night after night!

So in honor of Chris's last game of Scrabble in Egypt we decided to play his favorite:
JIVO Scrabble - (and when wikipedia decides to delete the article here is another link to Jivo Scrabble).
With words like AAAA, IRANIO and WEENOR the game was a laugh.
Sadly Luke - Chris's better half/significant other/bi*&% - won that game, leaving Chris, once again.... a looser!

We'll miss Jivo Chris, Scrabble won't be the same without him
:(

JIVO Scrabble

Jivo Scrabble is a variation of Scrabble that has been created to add an aspect of fun into Scrabble.It's a game where you are urged to form words that are part of the new pop culture, as well as slang and derogatory terms. Inappropriate words and words not found in a dictionarty are integral to this game

== Jivo Scrabble Information ==
Jivo Scrabble is an innovative idea for Scrabble fans to use their existing baord for a fun in-between game to relax them and have a good laugh.

== Point Calculation ==
Regular points are calculated based on the letters used and the double or tripple word/letter spaces on the Scrabble Board.
Special '''Style Points''' are awarded based on the majority of votes of all players. The person that wrote the word has no vote. Style Points are awarded as the following:
0 - No creativity, the word would be found in a dictionary
5 - acceptable level of creativity
10 - good level of creativity
15 - great level of creativity
In case the players cannot agree on style points, two courses of actions can be taken:- take the majority of the votes favoring a certain style level.- or calculate the average of each style level awarded
It is advisable to agree on this prior to starting the game.
All the rest of the Scrabble rules apply.

== Word Verification ==
If disagereements occur on whether this is an acceptable word, you can use the Word Verification Guide.If no agreement is made, players can vote on wether such word is permissible or not.If a word is not accepted by the players, the original player does not loose his turn, he should remove them and try another time. If the player repeatedly abuses this rule, style points can be affected.

== Word Verification Guide ==
If the answer to those questions is "yes" then the word is permissible:- Can this word be used in a meaningful sentence or expression?- Does this sound like a word used by any group of people, regardless of spelling?- Is this a word in the dictionary? (it can be used, but zero Style points would be awarded)- Does it make sense to the players around the table?If it does not make sense to the players, a one sentence explanation can be given. If it still does not make sense then the word needs to be removed.

== History ==
Jivo Scrabble is a variation of Scrabble proposed by Chris Pflaumer, a British/American residing in Egypt at the time. No copyright for it exists for Jovi Scrabble, it is simply an idea to add a little fun to a wonderful game.It was first referred to on Chris's blog on June 27th, 2007

== References ==
http://christhebrit.nomadlife.org/2007/06/dominated-13-pts.aspx#comments

Inspired by the recent "TeddyGate" incident

A year and a half ago i published this post Enough is Enough
I just want to re-emphasize that this is how i feel today and everyday for a very long time

"I am calling it quits! I am detaching myself of the masses who currently follow this faith.
Now i just need to develop a name for the faith i DO believe in, since the original one [Islam] is already taken, creates negative associations and is somewhat misleading now."

I still haven't found a name btw...

The trivialization of Islam

Throughout most of my adult life i have watched Islam being trivialized by none other than its most devout followers.
I have heard speeches and preachers going on and on about:
- entering the bathroom with your right foot or left foot.
- sleeping on your left side or on your right side.
- eating with which hand.
- what prayer to say when you get into the elevator
- what prayer to say when you get into any other mode of transportation
other topics of widespread interest are:
- what to name your pet
- whether you can pray with your nail polish on or not
- whether you can put make-up on when fasting or not
- whether men can wear a golden wedding band or a silver one
- whether deodorant should be equated to perfume or not

do i need to go on?

More and more of those trivial issues get international coverage, coz well Islam is a buzz word these days, it sells!

The sad thing is that there's so much more to religion than this. Why waste your breath talking about those things when you could be talking about more important things. Things that will truly make a difference to people. Things that are also in Islam, values like hard work, seeking perfection in what you do, honestly, treating others.
Or other amazing things like formulating a whole system of inheritance in just 3 lines, the brilliance of the language use in the Koran, the examples of democracy, forgiveness, tolerance and acceptance to other people, feminism and family values.

It's like reading a brilliant piece of literature and spending your time evaluating the font it's been written in. Or eating the most delicious meal and focusing on the decoration on the plate. Or listening to the best orchestra playing and focusing on their looks.

How do we expect people to respect us or our religion if the only things we focus on are things which mean nothing and add no value?
And how can we be that misguided and disillusioned to think that these issues are our calling, and are what God would have wanted us to spend our time on?

Where have peoples' common sense gone?

The Writers Guild Strike

I have been seeing the news about this for a while now but haven't really paid attention to it. This all changed when i realized that my favorite shows are all stopping at Episode 9 and coming on every other week, and we're soon going to be stuck with re-runs!


I watch all my shows illegally. If there was a way i would do it legally i would. I love TV and i would pay a lot to get NBC, WB and ABC on my TV or computer. But that's simply not possible. I tried signing up for sites where you pay, but they're only for US residents. I tried streaming them online, but that too is only for US residents. So i am stuck streaming from illegal sites. And watching their re-runs a year later when they're aired here.
I feel bad, but if i were an artist (like those actors, writers, producers etc) and i had a fan that simply cannot purchase my product - it's not feasible - i wouldn't mind if they watched it for free. Because they can never buy it anywayz.

The Internet offers great opportunity for networks to increase their sales, and reach much broader audiences around the globe. And they get paid, now by advertisers and hopefully it will one day be available for people outside the US in a legal way.

Now that i checked what the strike is actually about, i am appalled at how badly the writers are being treated. They get paid 4 cents per DVD sold, 4 CENTS! so in the words of the writers of Grey's Anatomy "Seriously? Seriously... i mean seriously!!"
And for all the Internet content they get paid,,,, nothing, zero, zilch, nada!
The show without writers does not go on!
Of the ridiculous amounts those shows make - enough to pay actors up to 1 million dollars per episode - couldn't they at the very least keep the core of the business happy? It's not like they don't deserve it..
And for them to go on a national strike for this long, with so many people backing them, things must be very shitty for them,,,

So for the love of god people, pay those writers, and give us our shows back..
and friggin charge ME! i would pay a good deal of money if i got to stream my shows online right after they air in the US.... And i know a good number of people who would do the same. It costs them nothing - no tapes, production etc, they just stick em online and i'll happily pay them for it.

But for now, this sucks for me, and sucks ass for those writers.

hmm interesting

other than smashing my glasses into pieces minutes before i got on the plane this trip, i had something else happen to me.
in the course we were asked to present ourselves and say who we were, what we did, and what we did when we're not at work i.e. hobbies and interests.
that third question just left me speechless.
what do i do when i am not at work?
what hobbies do i have?
sleep? play scrabble almost once a week? go out and sit in cafes? facebook?
shit yaani!
everyone had something to say - ice hockey (yes they were a bunch of swedes), jogging, playing with their kids,,and i had nothing..

so i am on a quest for a hobby. i tried singing in a choir but it was boring. so what do i do? i am unathletic as can be, i am too old to learn an instrument, and no i won't learn to cook - fuck that...
i think i can safely blame AIESEC for not giving me enough time to develop a hobby when i was in college.. but you know i pretended AIESEC was my hobby.
but now AIESEC is over
and i must find a hobby!

count to 10, breathe, think happy thoughts, go to happy place

This is what i tell myself when i read yet another article about the Saudi rape victim who got punished for getting raped.

Because if i don't this happens:

I would like to raise a motion for us to swap this "let's wipe israel out of the map" campaign, and turn it into "let's wipe Saudi Arabia out of the map".... followers? anyone?

Or let's list down every Saudi Royal and hunt down each of their mothers, daughters, sisters and wives and put them in a dark room with a bunch of the perveted sexually suppressed egyptian men roaming the streets of cairo and see what happens.

Or better yet, let's just put all those royals in a room with me and a nicely sharpened ready-to-slice knife and see what happens.

See, i told you i would do this....

Ok remember, count to 10, breathe, think happy thoughts, go to happy place
count to 10, breathe, think happy thoughts, go to happy place
count to 10, breathe, think happy thoughts, go to happy place
count to 10, breathe, think happy thoughts, go to happy place
count to 10, breathe, think happy thoughts, go to happy place
count to 10, breathe, think happy thoughts, go to happy place

Un-Egyo-Ness

So summer of 2008 i want to visit the US, which has been the plan for a while now.
My un-egyptian-ness is that i have started planning from now. Getting advice, planning basic itinerary, plane ticket, cities i will visit, sorting out accommodation and friends' travel plans, you know the basics.
In 2 months time i will start researching the exact places i want to visit before i move on to putting together the daily plan for my vacation; say around april.

Every person i have met finds it absurd that i am doing this. And finds it even more absurd that i am starting this 7 months in advance.

a somewhat promising development

"Egyptian court convicts 2 police officers for torturing a bus driver
Pair jailed for three years
Case came to light after a video of the abuse was posted on the Internet"

CNN Article

While this is no indicator of any consistent effort to eliminate, minimize or even reduce torture in Egypt; this isolated event is still promising.
It's a positive step taken by the judicial court and it's a testament to Egyptian Bloggers and their ability to make a difference.

The Egyptian blogger who posted the horrendous video was featured in this week's Edition of CNN's Inside the Middle East.
So to all the cynics who think one person cannot do anything, that blogger has just made history.

cursed

for trying to be a perfectionist in a place that stretches its arms to welcome mediocrity like a long lost child

Nisrin!

She's tiny and white.
She's quiet and discrete.
She wakes up when i sleep
and sleeps as the sun goes up.
She seems innocent and sweet.

But is she?!

Under that soft, quiet, innocent looking exterior lies an angry beast waiting to come out. It lurkers around waiting for the right moment to attack!
Hiding behind her American sense of personal distance and her occasional half-hugs and rare cheek kisses, lies the real Nisrin.

The real Nisrin comes out every............

Scrabble Night!

Passive aggressive is not her style. Why be passive when you could be actively aggressive?

Exhibit A:
Kent Babin - in an excerpt from his blog post he says:
"The second round featured new teams, new attitudes, and an increasingly hostile Nisrin. She threatened physical and verbal violence on no fewer than twenty occasions."

Exhibit B:
Annika Rudback - Here are quotes from last night's game:
Nisrin: "If you can't beat 'em, Kill 'em"
Annika: "It's if you can't beat 'em, join 'em"
Nisrin: "Not for me it is"
5 minutes later
Nisrin: "Come on Annika, if you don't go right now i will jam that pencil in your eye-ball"

Exhibit C:
Chris Pflaumer - This is a well-deserved comment that Chris gets from Nisrin every 5 minutes:
Nisrin: " CHRIS, YALLA" and then bangs her hand on the table so her rings make a loud squeaky noise

Last but not least...

Exhibit D:
ME!
Me: " what the fuck niso, stop making noise with your feet, it's either your feet or your hands yaani"
Nisrin: "Sorry, i ...."
Me: "am a smoker?"
Nisrin: "No, I have ADD"
Me: " And by ADD you mean..."
Nisrin: " Annoy the hell out of luli? Yes"

I rest my case!

Liscence Renewal - First time is definetly NOT a charm

I woke up in the morning with a smile on my face. It was mainly due to my latest shopping conquest the night before. Charles and Keith has 60% sale so i got the most gorgeous stilettos.
Now if you're a girl with a big shoe fetish you will understand the kind of high i was on.

I was mentally and physically prepared for a long day renewing my licence for the first time. Armed with a lot of positive attitude, my outfit was carefully planned. Comfortable shoes that look a little like Sister Erica's from my school days, Jeans - i expected dirt, a carefully selected top that is to be worn by an 80 year old woman with a cleavage going all the way to my neck (quite a contrast to my look the night before), and long enough that it would work as a mini dress for an anorexic size zero model, and on top a flowy shirt, with long sleeves. My futile attempts at getting as little attention as possible was very smart of me. Good girl luli!

So the first part is to get my tickets and pay for them. Much like every other desk at that place, desk number one had no line for women, scratch that, it has no line - period. So i must squish between a big concentration of taxi drivers. The thought makes me tingly in all the right places! HMM! From Desk number one, i go to desk number 2, 3,4,5 back to 2, then to 3 again then to 6 then to 7 and then i am done! Mind you Desk 2 and 4 are on the ground floor, desk 3 and 5 are on the top floor and desk 6 and 7 are in a different building.

I got my glorious tickets which were 500 L.E. It was so fascinating i took a photo

The tickets say i have the following fines:
21st of February: Talking on the phone and crossing a red light - it took place in the East district in Alex
On the 21st of Feb i was at the office preparing for my flight in a few days. I was no where near Alex. Plus, we're in Egypt you need to have a traffic light to begin with in order for cross a red one!
11th of April: Halting traffic and parking in a no parking spot - it took place in the East district in Alex
On the 11th of April i was at the office. I had a flight 2 days after. So i could not have been in Alex
27th of April: Ok that time i was in Alex, so i guess it could be valid. It's a fine for going in the opposite direction
17th of June: Parking ticket - it took place in the East District in Alex
On the 17th of June i was at the office with meetings booked and all. I was not in Alex

I argued with the officer there and he reduced it to 50 L.E.
Alas i paid and off i went to start renewing my licence - coz this was 1/4 of the job!

So off to a new building. I go from Desk 1 to Desk 2 back to desk 1 then to desk 3 then back to desk 1. Desk 1 is a nice man with a beard (i didn't know there were any of those around) He told me go to desk 4 give your papers and they'll give you your licence. I slipped him a tenner and happily thought i was almost done. Little did i know that this was only the beginning.

Desk 4 was full of men, men and more men. No line of course. My positive attitude failed to serve me as i struggled to get in the crowd. That's then mommy came to the rescue. After 90 minutes at this desk they gave me a piece of paper. That paper needs to go to the computer department so they can issue the licence. So off i go to the next floor.
After 60 minutes the offices calls my name and my father's name which is music to my ears. my licence is done! ( In Egypt you have 4 names, yours, you fathers, your grandfathers and a family name)
As i am going i check it out, and it says: Jaylan Abd El Salam Mraasi Zaki. Sadly it's not my name. The number on the licence is also not mine. A 3 has been switched with a 2.
I guess it's expected when all of the writing is done by hand, and very fast.

I go back to desk 4 and employees are leaving. After 30 minutes and some 5 attempts i find a guy who gets my folder and fixes the mistake. I slipped him a few pounds of course.

So off i go to get my licence again at the computer room, when they reply to me with brilliant news (insert sarcasm) "The electricity is out".
Another 45 minutes of waiting and the officer calls my name gives my the lisence with the right number, right name and after 5 and a half of grueling hard work.

I should have felt victorious since i managed to get my licence in a day - which is not always a possibility.

Somehow Victory was not the feeling that prevailed.

the day after the night before

So i am completely engrossed in Mcdeamy's and Meredith's plans in the elevator and i decide to multi-task and arrange my bag.

I take out my train ticket and tear it to pieces. Once i do that, i jump up and let out a big scream which puts my dad on his feet asking "WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?"

Turns out the ticket i just tore was not the ticket i had just used. It was the ticket i just bought to use tomorrow.

So i was left with this:

Some time after that, and a bit of scotch tape and this is what i ended up with:

Now i just hope the train conductor is nice enough to accept this and does not charge me another time.

Summer is over and winter is almost heeeere!

I never thought i would be that excited coz summer is over - but i totally am!
Summers in alex meant beaches, swimsuits, lovely tans, half naked boys, AIESEC fun, traveling, time off from studying - a constant PARTEEY!
Over the years i enjoyed a lovely month in England which was amazing, a month in Turkey that was just one big party day after day (oh what i'd pay to do that again!), an adventurous trip to Korea with Shady - pretending we were married so he would bargain for me, checking out hot US marines walking the streets and awwing at corny asian boy bands and doing loadz of stupid stupid things, and germany - the trip of death!
I have also enjoyed the summer nights, the partying till dawn, the nights at poo's, the sneaking around my mother at 3 am - those were the days!

But now as i have so obviously and sadly grown up into a career ahem "woman" and moved to the big C summer is just a blub of sweat waiting to hit you at the next corner. Time off in the summer is not in sync with your friends, and it's short, it's hot and stinky and there are all those fun things around you just can't to because of that thing called J O B!

Winter is, however, GREAT!
All the kids go home early -> less traffic!
No more sweating -> finally contacts, make-up and hair is possible!
Great breezy weather -> dressing up is fun again!
No more A/C -> now people can actually listen to my singing in the car - lol!

So i am feeling ACTIVE! and this winter is going to be the winter of A C T I V I T Y!
no more meeting in people's houses and all that crap!
So here's what's gona happen:
- Day trips to Mansoura, Fayum and Rashid
- More feluccas than ever
- More walking around old cairo and attending street concerts
- Enough with the coffee shops - it's time for CLUBS!
- and activities need to involve some "activeness" i.e. bowling, airhockey, walks, mid-night horse backriding by pyramids and stuff like that
- dancing - needs to happen more often!

Let the winter BEGIN!